11 People (& Things) More Spanish Than Hilaria Baldwin
Recently, Hilaria Baldwin has been under fire for her decade-long impersonation of a Spanish person. She is best known for being the wife of Alejandro Baldwiño, errr Alec Baldwin (lo siento, sometimes us bilingual speakers get so confused! Wait, I’m just a white girl from New Jersey? But I took Spanish II in highschool? I must be Spanish, right?) Sadly, Hilary Hayward Thomas is just your average white girl from Boston who grew up in a $4 million home, boorrring. Here are 11 people (and things) more Spanish than Hilaria Baldwin.
1. Charlie Sheen
image source: open road films
Before the Tiger King, there was the Tiger Blood King. This Two and Half Men star was actually born Carlos Estevez. His father, Gracie and Frankie’s Martin Sheen, is half Spanish on his father’s side, making Charlie one quarter Spanish.
2. The Jock from The Breakfast Club
image source: universal pictures
Speaking of Charlie Sheen, his brother Emilio Estevez, played Andrew Clark in John Hughes 80’s teen cult classic, the Breakfast Club. So technically, this beloved varsity team jock is also 25% more Spanish than Hilaria Baldwin.
3. Eleven from Stranger Things
image source: netflix
Millie Bobby Brown was born in Málaga, Andalucía, Spain and lived there for four years before moving to England with her family. Even though this Stranger Things actress has 0.0% Spanish blood, she spent four years in Spain, which is more time than Hilaria ever spent there collectively in her life.
4. Nicki Minaj
image source: youtube
Nicki Minaj was born on December 8th 1982, in St. James, Port of Spain, Trinidad & Tobago. Despite not having any Spanish ancestry whatsoever, she was born in, as Hilaria would say, el Puerto de ESPAÑA, so I mean she’s basically Spanish, right?
5. Juarez, the Guinea Pig from G-Force
image source: disney
While this sassy warm-blooded guinea pig’s nationality is never explicitly mentioned, she is voiced by Spanish actress Penélope Cruz, so her Spanish heritage is implied. Fun fact: It’s rumored that Alec Baldwin has a huge crush Penelope Cruz .
6. Spanish Rice
image source: walmart
While this tomato flavored rice isn’t technically not Spanish at all and actually is Mexican, and rice is not native to Mexico. The grain was brought to the country when the Spainards colonized the country in the 1500s, along with cattle, pigs, goats, chickens, and smallpox.
7. Taco Bell’s Churros
image source: taco bell UK
Okay, Taco Bell is not Spanish, but churros are! Churros are a traditional pastry from Spain composed of deep fried pastry dough and topped with cinnamon sugar. However some food historians argue the tasty treat actually originated in China. Youtiao is basically two long breadsticks deep fried in oil. Yet, youtiao doesn’t have cinnamon sugar on it, nor is it dipped in Nutella, so I mean is it even really a churro? ¡Definitivamente no!
8. The Dos Equis Guy aka The Most Interesting Man in the World
image source: medium
I mean, his real name is Jonathan Smith, and he’s actually a Jew from New York, but he advertises a real Spanish beer and has a more convincing accent than Hilaria, so he’s basically Jonatán Oro Herrero.
9. Your Skinny Jeans from Zara
image source: ebay
Your Zara jeans were probably made by an unpaid worker in a literal sweatshop in Istanbul (aka slave labor, yes it’s still happening in 2021.) However, the fast-fashion brand itself was founded by a Spainard named Amancio Ortega. Unfortunately for Hilaria, she and Ortega are both married, as he is totally her type. Filthy rich, morally questionable, and very very old. Then again, he’s only 84, which is only, what, 47 years older than her? You know what they say in Spain, age es solo un número.
10. The Beret
image source: the local france
The beret is typically associated with the French (usually accompanied by a striped shirt and a baguette) but did you know the flat hat actually originated in Basque country? Shepherds from Aragon and Navarra used to wear them in the foothills of the Prynees.
11. Trader Jose’s Salsa
image source: ebay
Okay, so Trader Jose’s is really hispanization of the Trader Joe’s brand, named after its founder, who was just a white guy from San Diego. And yes, salsa is actually Mexican, but technically it was not “discovered” for the rest of the world until the Spanish came in the 1500s, so it’s basically Spanish. But I mean, it says Salsa AUTÉNTICA right on the jar (which means “authentic” in Spanish, by the way, for all you non-Spaniards out there.) It’s not like someone would just LIE about their entire national identity, simply to appear more exotic and to sell spicy jarred tomatoes and/or prenatal yoga DVDs? That would just be a ridiculously offensive form of cultural appropriation right? Trader Joe’s would NEVER.